:: I've forgotten what I've started fighting for::

Lately i have been very moody, my husband has been the aim of all my anger. From smalls thing as he forgot to hang his pants right up to things that may not concern him that much. He has been patient but sometimes we do get into big arguments ending up he sleeping off.

I have known him for more than 10 years. He has never been the one to express himself and always keep his feelings to himself even when i make him feel sad and miserable.After 7 years of courting we decided to end it with a blissfull mariage. Things were the same but other things seem to develope. I doubt him more without reason and sometimes i just didnt bother much about him. He on the other hand kept more of his feelings within himself and became less talkative. He is a quiet person from before but as time of courting he open up and we had lots of converstaion. Some ending in laughter and some ending in a small fight.I am the one who is outspoken and i speak my mind. I dont intend to offend anyone but when you are with someone who likes and loves you, a single wrong word can be an offense. He on the other hand was a listener. But i think during our courting years he listen cause he just wanted me to stick with him

 As a wife sometimes i wish he was more affectionate publicly, to be pampered and showered with words just to make me feel different. But it never happen with him. I envy some of my friends who's husband could publicly show their affection for their other half. But he was always there for me whenever i needed.

Since my mood has been on a rough patch this few days, i call him just to nag him over something he made me upset. I just dont get it why is it so hard for him to remember things that i dont like. Things that make me annoyed. To me, what ever i dont like or like is patty stuff and it irritates me as for me what ever he likes or not is something i do pay attention. This is what makes woman and man different. I never learnt that lesson.

I got so mad one day, i have been getting him to help me with heavy stuff to move before our newborn come. I have to deal with the house, listen to his work complains, taking care of my 2 year old daughter and of course there are still other people around me who just like to poke their nose in or need me to be there. I flared up and just said why cant u be like some other hsuband who cares for their wives. If you dont care about me, then at least care about your children. That hurt him the most.

He look at me, and i saw tears. i guess i had push my nagging to the limit. He ask me what did he do? Why is it always him? From before he has never been affectionate but he always let me know he loves me. He has tried to be what i want him to be but he just cant.I started to think what he was saying.Yes he has been helping me with Sarah, he has been supportive of my back pains and my suddenly change of eating habbits. I want to eat things that normally we dont eat on daily basis such as various kinds of fastfood, expensive dining and so on. Money was not an issue as i see him cashing out from his wallet. Wherever i wanna go though he is busy he takes the time to bring me along with my nagging on something he did to spoil my mood. He has been working hard on our kitchen kabinet and i am proud to say he is good with capentry. He never complains of my not cooking, laundry day gone awry, his not iron clothes cause he knows i am tired carrying the baby and other works to do.He kept on in tears asking me why, dont i like him anymore?? why is always me picking on him.He said i have change  but he never complain cause he knew he just has to except it and he felt it was not a burden but something new he learn everyday. WHy couldnt i be the same.Whenever my mood goes awry he just look down with sad eyes.

After explaining all this and more to me, i kept quiet. We went to bed him with red eyes. as he sleeps i kiss his fore head and cheek. :: I am so sorry Sayang, i forgot why we started this journey, i forgot what we have been trough, i was blinded to see only things that made me angry, i didnt see things that you did which was not exactly you.I forgot how you were and you havent actually change. Only me wishing you to be someone you are not as time pass by. I am so sorry. I love you!!::